Anastasios Hudson

Category: General

I Have Resigned the Holy Priesthood
On Tuesday, April 3/16, 2013, the Holy Synod of the Church of the Genuine Orthodox Christians of America heard my petition to resign the Holy Priesthood for personal reasons, and accepted it. I have been returned to the lay state. I realize this will come as a surprise to many of you, but it was not a decision taken lightly or quickly. I remain a member of the Orthodox Church, under my diocesan bishop, His Eminence Metropolitan Pavlos. Please keep me in your prayers.

As far as this website is concerned, I intend to continue using it as an avenue to develop my writing career. I’ve always enjoyed writing, and while I am no longer a priest, hopefully I can still use my writing skills for the glory of God and His Holy Church.
Related posts:
April 26, 2013
Going to Church, Going to Soccer Games
I’ve never been a big sports fan—let’s be clear on that! However, I will attend sporting events or watch them on television if family, friends, or co-workers invite me. I recognize the opportunity for social interaction that can occur during sporting events, and recognize that relationships have to be built and maintained. Not everyone likes to sit around and talk about religion and politics like I do, so a little give-and-take is necessary.

When one has children that are involved in sports, sporting events become even more important. While my daughter is not old enough for sports yet, I can see from my family, friends, and co-workers how sports can positively contribute to the family’s sense of togetherness. When parents go to their children’s sporting events, their children are happy; if the parents have to miss a game for some reason, especially if they had already committed to it, the children are generally disappointed. It’s not just about the sport itself—it’s about the dedication shown and the attention paid to the child. It’s a show of sacrifice, because children know their parents are busy, and seeing them put aside another thing they could be doing in order to attend the sporting event means a lot. We make time for the things that are important to us.

I was raised in a Christian family, and I remember as a child going to church—every Sunday. I also remember that we would go to Church during Holy Week—Thursday and Friday. We went on Christmas, too. It used to be that people who only attended church on Christmas and Easter were called “C and E Christians.” Sometimes that was a label that was thrown around judgmentally—shame on all of us who used it that way—but sometimes it was used not out of judgmentalism, but more out of concern, and even sadness, because there is so much that one loses by not regularly attending Church services. It’s as if a treasure is being offered to anyone that will take it, and yet people pass by the treasure, making excuses for why they can’t accept it (actually, I didn’t come up with that idea—it’s a parable in the Bible. I won’t tell you where it is, though, in case you feel motivated to figure it out yourself!)

Over time, I have noticed that many Christians don’t even attend Church on Christmas or Easter, let alone on Maundy Thursday or Good Friday. Yet these same people, when prodded, profess to be Christians. They talk about Jesus, the Bible, moral values, etc. Many of them even live a better life than I have. Yet Church attendance doesn’t seem to be on their radar screen. To them, faith in God is something they have “in their heart.” Let’s be clear again—I am not presuming to judge their relationship with God; I am only making an observation and trying to understand how we’ve come to this point.

Perhaps it’s the logical outcome of their Protestant belief system—accept Jesus in some type of personal, spiritual way, and you’re set, so Church is kind of a nice add-on but not really fundamentally necessary. You certainly couldn’t lose your salvation by missing Church, right? (Well, in my opinion, you could, but that’s a different essay topic). The problem is, it’s not just the Protestants among my family and friends that are tempted this way; many Roman Catholic friends and acquaintances are like this, and even some Orthodox, too. Hence I’m not going to delve into the theological underpinnings or try to compare and contrast Orthodoxy and non-Orthodox Churches, but rather continue to focus on the phenomenon itself and why I think it’s unfortunate. I’ll do that by tying it back to sports.

In a few years, let’s suppose my daughter takes up soccer. She begins to do the work, go to practices, train, and starts to go to games. But I never show up.

“Well honey, I love you very much. You’re always in my heart.” I think we all know that excuse would not fly. The response would likely be:

“Then why don’t you show it, Dad?”

To support our children involved in sports, we have to go to the games. It is part of the relationship. In the same way, every Sunday, Jesus is as it were playing a match: in this game, the most important game, he is defeating the Devil, Death, and Sin. It’s really quite an amazing thing, and like our children, Jesus wants us to be there to see it. He wants us to participate. Unlike our children, He doesn’t need our attention, but He does love us, and it makes Him happy when we show our love for Him in return. He also wants us to get something out of the experience—hearing Holy Scripture, receiving Holy Communion, and having fellowship with fellow Christians—which are all things that we can’t do “in our hearts.”

We go to our children’s soccer games, because we love them. If we love Jesus, let’s go to Church, too.
Related posts:
April 8, 2013
Reflection on Funerals and Cremation
Recently, I traveled to my birthplace of Toledo, Ohio, to attend the funeral of my grandmother, Jane Marcy Cole. She died at the age of 88 on Monday, March 25, 2013. She is survived by her husband Ralph, three daughters, six grandchildren, one great-grandchild, and numerous extended family.

One thing that worried me was that she might have chosen to be cremated, but thankfully, this was not the case. In recent times, the number of people—including Christians—who are choosing to undergo this process instead of opting for a traditional burial is on the rise. I think this is lamentable for several reasons.

Grandma Cole’s Casket

First, there is the theological reason. The Christian Church in general was against cremation from the beginning, and the Orthodox Church in contrast to most other denominations continues to ban the practice. We are not dualists; we believe that man is a body and a soul united together, not a soul imprisoned inside of a body as did the ancient pagans. It is commonplace today to hear people talk about their soul being the “real self” and the body just being a vehicle or an external container. This is paganism revived, plain and simple, and this idea is an import from Eastern religions. Christians believe in the resurrection of the body; at the end of time, our bodies will be reconstituted and rejoined to our souls, and in this restored form, we will face God in judgment. As such, we bury the dead, because their body is still a temple of the Holy Spirit; it is still a nexus of the spiritual and the physical. The soul has departed from it, but this is only temporary, and as such the body deserves our continued respect.

Second, there is the pastoral reason. We go to funerals not just for the sake of the one who died, but also for our own sake. A funeral serves as a reminder that we are next. We will all pass away at one point or another, so it is important to be ready for it. If we have not repented of various sins, let’s not wait for another day to do it. This is even more vividly experienced at the funeral of a young person who passes suddenly. Being in the presence of the deceased is a jarring but necessary experience which is diminished when he or she is instead presented in a colorful vase or jar. For this reason I am also opposed to closed-casket funerals except in cases of harsh disfigurement. My own grandmother wanted a closed-casket funeral, perhaps because she did not understand these principles, but at least we the close family were allowed to see her body during private viewing hours.

Finally, there is the psychological reason. When I was a teenager, my beloved pet dog Pipper woke up one morning and couldn’t walk anymore. She was seventeen years old—quite advanced for a dog. My father took her in to put her to sleep, and I did not go. For years since I have had recurring dreams of my dog being still alive, or being lost and then found, because I never saw her expire. In contrast, I was present when my other dog Lucy died, and had no such experience. Seeing our deceased love ones face-to-face is important for psychological closure and moving on. It is certainly hard, but it serves a vital purpose. Seeing my grandmother one last time was special for me and made me feel at peace.

I occasionally meet people who have a fear of funerals and dead people, who make comments to the effect that they would skip the funeral of someone they loved in order to just remember them in the way they were when they were alive. To be honest, this strikes me as avoidance and unhealthy, because the person is in effect pretending that a fundamental event common to all of us has not just occurred, that a relationship has not just been fundamentally altered. They also remain aloof from the rest of the family and friends who are in the grief process, and who benefit from the presence of others. Skipping the funerals of loved ones and friends does a disservice to oneself, one’s loved ones, and the deceased.

If you are a Christian and have chosen to be cremated, I strongly encourage you to rethink this choice and opt for a traditional burial, out of respect for your body, and for the sake of your loved ones!
Related posts:
April 3, 2013
New Calendarism, Vaganteism, and the True Orthodox Church
In the last century, a new heresy permeated the Orthodox world, the heresy of ecumenism. This umbrella term encompasses several related problems that have been eating away at Orthodox life for more than eighty years. For the purposes of this article, we will use ecumenism as an umbrella term to refer to the problems of the branch theory, which imagines that the sacraments of the Church are present in various Churches that are not united and do not share the same faith, and modernism, which is at its root the assumption that modern man has the ability to diagnose the development of the Church’s tradition and make modifications as necessary, ignoring the organic development of the past several centuries.

From the beginning of this heresy, Orthodox have resisted it. These Orthodox are known by various names: True Orthodox, Genuine Orthodox, Traditionalist Orthodox, Old Calendarists, and Anti-Ecumenists, for instance. In the beginning, Athonite monks provided the sacraments to those in Greece who refused to follow the first tangible aspect of ecumenism in the life of the common people: the calendar change of 1924, when the patristic calendar was jettisoned in favor of a crude hybrid Julian-Gregorian calendar (a calendar so flawed that in several thousand years Christmas and Pascha will coincide). Later, in 1935, several bishops returned to the patristic calendar. Later, as ecumenism increased, the Russian Orthodox Church Outside Russia (ROCOR) also experienced an awakening of anti-ecumenism. In the 1960’s, the ROCOR and the Old Calendarist Greeks began to cooperate in witnessing traditional Orthodoxy: the ROCOR even provided the Greek Old Calendarists with bishops after the last Old Calendarist bishop reposed.

In lands where Orthodoxy is not established, there is generally more confusion as to what constitutes authentic Orthodoxy. With the heresy of ecumenism, the lines have become even more blurred. Anti-ecumenism exists in North and South America, but what constitutes valid resistance to this heresy is not always obvious. Due to the influence of false western ecclesiological ideas, such as the idea that apostolic succession exists outside the Church (and thus anyone ordained a bishop by “valid” bishops is himself a “valid” bishop as long as he can prove his “lines” of succession), combined with pride and ambition, and a desire for money, there have arisen a class of pseudo-Orthodox clergy who claim to be priests and bishops of the Orthodox Church.

These bishops, called episcopi vagantes in Latin ecclesiological terms, sometimes pretend to be Roman Catholic, sometimes Orthodox, or sometimes even combinations of their own creation. Among the New Calendarists, these people are rightly rejected as being false clergy, but the problem becomes acute when innocent people begin to resist ecumenism and look for a new home. This is because when searching for a traditional Orthodox parish, one often encounters these episcopi vagantes who claim they are Old Calendarists too. Those looking for traditional Orthodoxy then end up farther away from it than when they started. Therefore, one must understand the difference between a True Orthodox Church and a false Church staffed by episcopi vagantes, which we hope to make more clear by pointing out several indicators of a Church being false.

The first clear indicator of a false Orthodox Church is one which appeals to “valid orders,” “valid apostolic succession,” or “ordination from valid bishops” and in this context oftentimes usually considers anyone from the Orthodox or Catholic Churches to have this “valid succession.” A traditional Orthodox bishop would not appeal to such concepts because an Orthodox bishop is not made a bishop by those claiming descent from Roman Catholic bishops, or from bishops who he never communes with again, or made an independent bishop. An Orthodox bishop must be part of a Synod which confesses Orthodoxy in an unbroken community, not simply a line of one bishop ordaining another—if a bishop breaks from other bishops and consecrates bishops, these ordinations are meaningless. A bishop can only be created in the Church and for the Church, by people still in communion with the Church and with each other.

Some would argue that because Old Calendarists are not in communion with the so-called “mainstream” Orthodox (i.e. the New Calendarists and those professing ecumenism, or those who are in communion with such persons), they are falling under their own judgment for not being in communion with the Church. We must point out, however, that one of the criteria of true apostolic succession is bishops are ordained in the context of the Orthodox community, and not in schism or heresy. Ecumenists, by their heresy, have cut themselves off from the Church, and as such, we must not have communion with them. An episcopi vagante often does not have concerns about ecumenism, or traditional Orthodoxy, but rather is separate because of personal problems with the “institutional Church” or flaunt their “independence”—but do not resist any heresy. What reason, then, do they need to be separated from New Calendarists, since one can only separate for questions of faith, and not for personal controversies?

Some episcopi vagantes are anti-ecumenist, but then the question arises, why are they not in communion with the Orthodox Church (i.e. the True Orthodox)? Again, one can only separate for reasons of faith, and yet some of these false bishops accept that ecumenism is wrong, and that the True Orthodox are right in their position, and they may even present themselves as True Orthodox, but they do not commune with the True Orthodox nor do they belong to a Synod of True Orthodox bishops? One cannot be Orthodox and be independent of the Church. If one is opposed to ecumenism, he should join the True Orthodox Church—not start his own.

The other major problem of these false Orthodox are ambition and immorality. Some are so interested in becoming clergy that they will do anything to be ordained. When they are turned down from ordination in the New Calendar Church, suddenly they seek out alternatives to ordination. Sometimes they briefly join the Old Calendar Church and successfully feign piety long enough to be ordained and leave. But more often, they rush towards the most sure and quick way to be ordained: by seeking out episcopi vagantes, who are eager to ordain so they can build up their numbers on paper. This double lust for worldly glory leads to disastrous results.

Other clergy are simply immoral, and have been defrocked by other Churches; these people, having nowhere else to go, start their own Churches. Sometimes, there are priests that are not immoral, but wish to become bishops while being married. This is another sign of a false Church: married bishops. No Orthodox Church has married bishops, and there are no exceptions to this rule. A false Orthodox Church will often have more clergy than parishioners, or its clergy will claim grand titles, like “Metropolitan Archbishop” when they only have one parish. While size is not the main factor in determining legitimacy, having a consistent lack of parishioners while maintaining a large number of clergy, or having a consistently changing population of people (i.e. many coming and many leaving, so that at any given time most people are not the same people that attended a year ago) are other clues of being a false Church.

Thus, if one is seeking the answer to ecumenism, he will find it in one place: the True Orthodox Church. In Greece, this is headed by Archbishop Kallinikos of Athens. In America, there is an Eparchial Synod under the presidency of Metropolitan Pavlos of North and South America.
Related posts:
March 22, 2013
On Wayward Parishioners

Just so we’re clear on something: Priests Have Feelings, Too! One of the worst feelings a priest has is when parishioners he is particularly close to depart into error (for instance, leaving the Orthodox Church). Sure, anyone leaving is a sad occasion, but when people you have worked closely with and spent a great deal of time with leave, it adds to the pain on a human level. The following poem is something I wrote when this occurred to me a few years ago, and I offer it to give insight into what occurs inside the heart of a priest during these types of situations.

Don’t tell me the bad news!
Enough! Only the good I want to hear.
I can’t deal with these issues.
Hurt and fear arise inside me.

I know the platitudes—
Just trust in God! It will be alright!
I know in my head this is true,
But my heart is aching.

The pressure inside my chest grows
My neck is stiff, and I’m light-headed.
My consciousness is leaving the room
Bit by bit, I am slipping away.

I’m not here anymore
So much of me has grown dead
It’s all withering away
Nothing will be left.

So recently you were here
All of one mind, I was so happy
My friends, my partners: one team
One goal, one aim, one life.

Your faith was a consolation to me
Now our experiences have become shadows
Photos, dreams, memories
But nothing new.

I pray you will come back.

No related posts.

March 21, 2013
References to the Toll Houses in the Canon of the Parting of the Soul from the Body
Here are just a few of the many references to the Toll Houses which are found in the Canon of the Parting of the Soul from the Body found in the Great Book of Needs(these are from the St. Tikhon’s edition).

“Noetic roaring lions have surrounded me, seeking to carry me away and bitterly torment me. Do thou crush their teeth and jaws, O pure One, and save me” (Ode 3, Troparion 2).

“Behold, terror has come to meet me, O Sovereign Lady, and I am afraid of it. Behold, a great struggle awaits me, in which be thou unto me a helper, O Hope of my salvation” (Ode 4, “Both Now”).

“They that shall lead me hence have come, holding me on every side. But my soul shrinks back and is afraid, full of great rebelliousness, which do thou comfort, O pure One, by thine appearance” (Ode 7, “Glory”).

“O thou that gavest birth to the Lord Almighty, when I come to die, do thou banish from me the commander of the bitter toll-gatherers and ruler of the earth, that I may glorify thee unto the ages, O holy Theotokos” (Ode 8, Troparion 3).

And from another canon at the departing of the soul from the body, for those who have suffered a long time, by St. Andrew of Crete:

“Come all you that have gathered together, who have lived your lives in piety, and lament the soul bereft of the glory of God, for shameful demons are striving to enslave it” (Ode 1, Troparion 1).

“Behold, a multitude of evil spirits are standing about, holding the handwriting of my sins, and they cry out exceedingly, shamelessly seeking my lowly soul” (Ode 1, “Glory”).

“O Sovereign Lady! O Sovereign Lady! Have mercy now on my perplexed soul looking to thy protection only, and do not disdain me, O Good One, who am being given over to demons” (Ode 4, “Both now”).

“Have mercy on me, O all-holy Angels of God Almighty, and deliver me from all the evil toll-collectors, for I have no good deeds to balance my evil deeds” (Ode 7, Troparion 2).
Related posts:
March 18, 2013
Concerning this Website and My Writing
Over the past five years, over 120 of my articles have appeared in various places online, but mostly on the websites of St. Mark the Evangelist Orthodox Mission in Raleigh, North Carolina, Nativity of the Holy Theotokos Orthodox Church in Greenville, North Carolina, the Eastern Carolina Orthodox blog, and the Triangle Orthodox blog. Content was created with each particular site in mind, as the purpose of the writing was two-fold; to instruct and edify the faithful on the one hand, but also to improve search engine rankings and drive more traffic to the particular websites, in an effort to increase visits to the missions. Thanks be to God, we had some successes with this approach!

In October 2012, however, I went on a leave of absence from serving as a priest due to personal issues. St. Mark Mission ended up going inactive, and Nativity of the Holy Theotokos went to another Orthodox jurisdiction. Yet my content continues to be read and I continue to receive positive feedback about it, mostly from people living far away from North Carolina. Having my writing appear in various places online, however, seems to make it harder to find, and so I have now collected the material together in one place for the convenience of those who wish to learn more about the Orthodox faith, Orthodox missions, and the like. I will also begin to write again more actively for a broader audience, and this new content will appear here on this blog.

Thank you for your interest in my writing, and if you have anything you would like to see me address in future posts, please add your comment below!
Related posts:
March 12, 2013
September 2012 Bulletin Message
Please Note: This is something I wrote over a year and a half ago, which I never published online. I am posting it now for posterity. – Anastasios

Dear Friends in Christ,

I am happy to inform you that our Church in America continues to grow, paralleling our parish in Greenville’s growth over the past four years! Recently, we accepted a new bishop and several clergy members from a different Orthodox jurisdiction, along with several parishes in Massachusetts, Virginia, Georgia, and Guatemala, among other places! This follows on the heels of our accepting two bishops, nine priests, and eight or so parishes last year.

Church administrative processes are rarely covered in bulletin messages, but I think it is important to touch on this subject, because in Orthodoxy, the administrative function of the Church is linked with the spiritual function of the Church. Administrative processes and procedures are in place in order to facilitate good order, because within a well-ordered Church, Christians are free to focus on the salvation of their souls and the growth of their spiritual life, and disruptions in the administrative order can have a negative impact on the same.

There should only be one Orthodox Church in each given area, with all of the parishes in that area reporting to the bishop. Each bishop oversees his region, and all of the bishops in a common territory such as the modern nation-state come together in what are called Synods to pray together and discuss matters that affect the Church as a whole. Presiding over the Synod is a senior bishop, who is accorded a title such as Archbishop or Patriarch. In our Church, our local bishop is His Eminence Metropolitan Pavlos, and the Archbishop is His Beatitude Archbishop Kallinikos of Athens and All Greece.

In America, Orthodoxy is not yet well-established, and as a result, there is some administrative irregularity. This stems from the fact that when immigrants came to America from their various homelands, they arranged for priests from their area to minister to them. Hence, there were priests from Russia, Greece, the Ottoman Empire, etc. These priests reported back to bishops in the homeland, until eventually bishops started taking up residence in the New World.

Because there was no agreed-upon plan for how to organize America in an Orthodox sense, there appeared various overlapping Orthodox Churches, which are often referred to as “jurisdictions.” In the beginning, most of these Churches were united in Holy Communion, with parishioners being able to attend and receive communion at the other parishes.

Beginning in 1924, however, changes began to be introduced back in the Old Country, such as the adoption of the so-called “New” Calendar, and moves to have Orthodox clergy join in prayer with non-Orthodox clergy and sign joint agreements in a misguided attempt to foster Church unity. Everyone wants people to be united, but the problem is that the Truth was often compromised in these gatherings, which over time have become more and more comprehensive.

To sum up a complex issue, when people see Orthodox and non-Orthodox clergy together on a stage or podium, the clear distinction between Orthodoxy and other Churches is watered down; if it is watered down, people are less likely to become Orthodox; and thus, people lose access to the saving tools of our faith, such as fasting, the Holy Mysteries (sacraments), spiritual guidance from holy priests and monks, etc. We call this movement for unity at any cost, regardless of Truth, “Ecumenism.”

When these changes were introduced, there were groups of faithful who stood up to the changes, and this is how the Old Calendar Orthodox Church was formed. Many parishes in America refused to change to the New Calendar as well, and as a result, there were now jurisdictions formed for the purpose of not participating in any innovation of the Orthodox faith. This is how our Metropolis in America was formed, back in 1954 in Astoria, New York.

Over time, there has been a move to reduce the number of overlapping jurisdictions based on ethnic origins, because as mentioned before, it is irregular and was meant to be temporary, and because it is confusing to both the faithful and to the American public at large. People often ask me if an “Orthodox Christian” is the same thing as a “Greek Orthodox” and if this is in term the same as “Russian Orthodox.” These things are all the same, of course! They are just different ways of saying the same thing. Differences in language and music style do not affect the essence of our faith. In our Church in America, we now have five bishops; all are American-born, with three being of Greek descent baptized as children, and two being non-Greek converts. We have priests of American, Greek, Russian, and other backgrounds, all united in one Church.

Because of a desire to resist innovations and other canonical problems, sometimes groups of clergy leave a jurisdiction for another. In the case of those who have joined us in 2011 and 2012, they had previously encouraged the Church they belonged to to merge with us completely, as part of this move to reduce overlapping jurisdictions. Unfortunately, there were also two theological controversies brewing in that Church (which some have noted served as a convenient excuse to remain separate on the part of those who did not want to unite with us, perhaps fearing change). A large number of clergy attempted to bring their former Church into full unity with ours, but when that did not happen, they proceeded in two waves. It is a great boon to our Church in America, and we pray that those who remained separate from us will follow their brothers and sisters into communion with us shortly, as there is no reason for them to remain independent.

As we can see, both the difficult reality of a New World and concerns over faith led to a confusing administrative situation for Orthodox Christians in the last century in America, but over time, there has been a drive to unite administratively and clear this up. Paradoxically, though, at times questions of faith arise which make it necessary for Orthodox Christians to resist communing with those who have begun to teach new things. There is no conflict though in these two principles, and the reason for it becomes apparent, however, when by holding firm to the correct confession of faith and to our principles, we see other clergy and people come to our Church because of our witness.

Those who have come over to our Church are now free from the distractions which were keeping them from their spiritual growth, just like many of us who converted to Orthodoxy from other religions and Churches felt liberated when we were baptized, put on Christ, and began our new lives as Orthodox. Administrative questions are not the focus of our faith, but they do play a part in the way the Church runs, and that affects our individual spiritual lives. We should all therefore remain aware of what goes on. We are thankful to God that He has blessed our Church to grow so much in the past several years, and we invite all who are not currently members, both in Greenville and elsewhere, to come and see the good things going on here.

In Christ,

Fr. Anastasios
Related posts:
September 1, 2012
On Wearing Jewelry to Ward Off the Evil Eye
Just a public service announcement mostly aimed at the Greeks on my Facebook friends list, owing from a question I recently received: wearing the blue eye necklace/pin/jewelry as a way to “ward off” the evil eye is itself a demonic superstition, especially with all the rituals associated with it involving oil, spitting, etc. You are inviting other demons to come and inhabit your home and be a part of your life when you engage in this superstitious behavior! If you were becoming ill from eating food, would you try to “ward off” that illness by eating more food of a different variety, or would you just cut to the chase and take medicine?

While “the evil eye” is certainly a real thing (someone hating someone or wishing evil on them invites demonic attacks), the antidote is not in talismans, but rather in the prayers of the Church. There is a prayer that your priest can read over you to remove “the evil eye”, curses, negative “energy” being directed at you, etc.

These items are themselves evil and will NOT help you get rid of the evil eye! Don’t use them!

Trust in Jesus Christ, not in witchcraft. If you feel burdened by a depressing feeling, feel that many more bad things are going on in your life than normal, etc., then first pray to Jesus Christ by yourself and ask for His help, and then go to Church and ask the priest to pray for you! Don’t try your “luck” with instruments of the Devil that are disguised as “helpful.”

If you have ever trusted in the blue eye talisman or any other form of superstition to help you with your problems, then please go and confess this to your priest the next time you are in confession. It may not seem like a “big deal,” but you don’t know what the spiritual effects may be in your life.
Related posts:
1. As We Begin Lent
December 29, 2010
Twice Now the Seasons Have Come and Gone
A Reflection on the Second Anniversary of Roberto Rivas’s Repose (November 19, 2008)

Roberto Rivas, March 1997.

Twice now the seasons have come and gone; the sleepy Winter and the rebirth of Spring, the never-ending days of Summer, and the gradual fading away of Fall. I have always disliked Fall, with the eerie sound of the wind whipping through the trees, knocking the last intransigent leaves from the branches, adding to those already-fallen, which are emitting a musty smell. During this season of transition from life to death, now two years ago, your time of transition was appointed by God, for reasons which we who remain cannot know, at least until we join you on the Last Day, before the mighty throne of God, on that fearsome day of Judgment.

You were the one who sought out the lonely to give them company, and in fact that is how our friendship began that December day in 1994. You noticed that I was feeling down, troubled by the awkward changes of life, the angst of youth, and uncertainties of which path to follow, whom to trust, and how to safely navigate the seeming social chaos. You would not allow me to spend countless hours alone, but came and retrieved me with your family, ensuring that I had a chance to experience new things and meet new people. During this time, I even acquired fluency in your language, taking in your culture, and seeing myself as a part of everything you were. Even after we became separated by both my move away and your descent into a revolving cycle of incarceration for petty offenses and stints at a stable working life, you continued to share yourself with everyone, bringing people together. Whether you were up or down, you treated those around you with respect and kindness, and always offered justifications for everyone else, never seeking to judge your friends for their mistakes.

How cruel then, that when you passed from this life, you were alone, in the quiet of the night, with no one present to comfort you as you drew your last breath! After giving compassion and love to so many downtrodden friends, we were not there to comfort you and pray for you at the fearsome moment that your soul departed from your body, the moment which all men should fear and prepare for in earnest. (Let the reader make note!) Indeed, after having spent the previous day helping your friends with their move, you embarked on that fateful journey. Entering the car, did you know you would enter eternity? As you checked your rear-view mirror, did you suddenly review your life? Or were you unaware of the impending event that would take you from us, thinking forward to the next day, the new day, wondering with hopeful anticipation if things were finally going to go your way? Perhaps this was the dawn of a new day for you, and we in our selfish grief wish for you to be here, even if this would have meant an extension of your suffering?

Did you suffer inside, because while you were around others, you were still alone? Did your attempts to heal us of our loneliness stem from some inner solitude that you could not surmount? We loved you (and still love you!) and now that the murkiness of this vain life has been cleared, we hope that you feel our love in a way that perhaps you could not feel before. We pray that you are not lonely now, but are surrounded by your ancestors and our ancestors, in the place of hopeful anticipation of the Resurrection. We pray that God forgave you of your mistakes for the sake of your love for Him and others, and for the fact that you never judged. We will never cease to pray for you in this regard, for who ultimately knows the state of another man’s heart? Who can ever know for sure, apart from divine revelation, who is counted among the ranks of the just?

Oh compassionate Lord, give rest to Thy servant our brother Roberto, and may we be found worthy of the Kingdom as well, so that on that great day of Judgment, we might stand with him and hear together Thy words: “Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world!” (Matthew 25:34).
Related posts:
1. I’m Sorry, but I Hate Fall
November 19, 2010